For Filipinos Living Abroad (Joke Time!)

Arrgh… yesterday I had a head cold, but thank God my headache is gone now. But I still have this common cold affecting my nasal passages. (HAATSUU!!! excuse me.) I’m still in my groggiest days, taking all the medicines from biogesic, bioflu, decolgen and tuseran forte. (This is already a free advertising, uhurmm! calling all the drug companies…) Even as I write this, I’ve had to deal with colds. Ahhh… I’ve got to drink a lot of water (gulp…gulp…)

Since I am not in a good condition now, I’ll just share and lighten you up with these jokes that I received from my e-mail.


Bagong salta sa America, yung Pinoy ay gustong mag-long distance sa Pilipinas kaya dinayal yung "0 for Operator".
Operator: AT&T. How may I help you?
Pinoy: Heyloow. Ay wud like to long distans da Pilipins, plis.
Operator: Name of the party you're calling?
Pinoy: Aybegyurpardon? Can you repit agen plis?
Operator: What is the name of the person you are calling?
Pinoy: Ah, yes, tenkyu and sori. Da name of my calling is Elpidio Abanquel. Sori and tenkyu.
Operator: Please spell out the name of the person you're calling phonetically.
Pinoy: Yes, tenkyu. What is foneticali?
Operator: Please spell out the letters comprising the name a letter at a time and citing a word for each letter.
Pinoy: Ah, yes, tenkyu. Da name of Elpidio Abanquel is Elpidio Abanquel. I will spell his name foneticali. Elpidio: E as in Elpidio, L as in lpidio, p as in pidio, i as in idio, d as in dio, i as in io and o as in o.
Operator: Sir, can you please use English words.
Pinoy: Ah, yes, tenkyu. Abanquel: A as in Airport, B as in Because, A as in Airport agen, N as in... Enemy, Q as in... Cuba, U as in... Europe, E as in... Important and L as in... Elephant.

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Breakfast

Nag-o-order ng breakfast yung bagong saltang Pinoy sa isang coffee shop sa Manhattan...
Waiter: "What kind of coffee would you like, regular or decaf?"
Pinoy: "No... Big cup! Big cup!"
Waiter: "What would you like for your breakfast?"
Pinoy: "Hameneggs."
Waiter: "And how do you like your eggs, sir?"
Pinoy: "Yes, tenkyu, I like dem beri much."
Waiter: "No sir, I mean how would you like them cooked?"
Pinoy: "Yes, tenkyu, I wud like dem cooked."
Waiter (with increasing impatience): "Would you like your eggs... fried? poached? hard boiled or soft boiled?"
Pinoy (with increasing uneasiness): "Yes, one fried en one hard boiled or sop boiled."
Waiter: "And what bread would you like?"
Pinoy: "Begyurpardon?"
Waiter: "What kind of bread would you like... white? rye? whole wheat? toast?"
Pinoy: "Pan Amercano..."
Waiter: "We don't have that..."
Pinoy: "Okey. Gib me Taystee..."
Waiter: "We don't have that either, sir..."
Pinoy: "Do you heb pan de lemon or bonete?"
Waiter: "Sir, you are wasting my time... I shall ask for the last time, what would you like for breakfast?"
Pinoy: "Donut plis..."

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Painter

Matagal nang naghahanap ng trabaho yung bagong saltang Pinoy. Nakakita siya ng posibilidad sa "Help Wanted" section ng Classified Ads.

"Wanted - Painter of Porch".

Aba!, sabi nung Pinoy sa sarili... OK ito! Sa Pilipinas, e marami na akong pininta; yung libingan ng lolo ko, yung pader ng lumang bahay namin, yung kulungan ng mga baboy ng tiyo ko - pwede palagay ko ako rito!

In-explain nung Kano na nangangailangan ng pintor: "I need to have my porch painted, all in one day. The work involves scraping all the paint up to the bare surface, applying a coat of primer and two final coats of orange paint. Can you do this?

"Sagot nung Pinoy nung ininterbyu siya ng Kano... "Sir, yes sir. I can kaskas... I mean, remoob paint en apply paint beri well.""Okay!", sabi nung Kano. "You've got the job! Everything you'll need has been unloaded from the trunk of the car."

Tatlong oras pa lang, narining na nung Kano na kumakatok yung Pinoy sa pinto niya. "Sir... Pinis oreydi"."Wow!" sabi nung Kano. "You finished the job in three hours. Are you sure you scraped the old paint to the bare surface?"

"Sir, yes sir. I tanggalated all the old paint." sagot nung Pinoy.
"
Then, you deserve a bonus! Here's another 20 bucks." sabi nung
Kano.
"Sir
, tenkyu sir." wika nung Pinoy.
"Pero sir, you don't heb a porch... your car is a BMW..."

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Bisaya Ini in Amerika

Napansin nung Tiyo na yung kaniyang pamangkin na bagong salta sa America ay umiiyak sa tabi ng kaniyang nakatumbang bisikleta sa tabing daan.
Tanong tuloy nung Tiyo, "Hijo, bakit ka umiiyak?"
Sagot nung pamangkin, "Angkol, Angkol..."
Madaling kinorek nung Tiyo yung kaniyang pamangkin, "Hijo, ikaw ay nasa America na. Hindi Angkol... Angkel!"
Tinuloy nung pamangkin yung kaniyang kwento, "Angkel, Angkel, I rode my Bysikol..."
Madali muling kinorek nung Tiyo yung kaniyang pamangkin, "Hijo, nasa America ka na. hindi Bysikol ang tawag diyan... Bysikel".
Muling tinuloy nung pamangkin yung kaniyang kwento, "Angkel, Angkel, I rode my Bysikel to buy some Papsikol..."
Madali na namang kinorek nung Tiyo, "Hijo, hindi Papsikol - Papsikel!"
Tinuloy ulit nung pamangkin yung kaniyang kwento, "Angkel, Angkel, I rode my Bysikel, to buy some Papsikel... en den I pel... now I heb a Bukel..."


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